It’s been a long, long day, and I’ve been productive, happy, mellow/weary. But that’s a topic for another show, because–game on. Kick it.

The pre-show branding is all NBC, but the attitude is all MSDNC–maybe they’re downplaying the MS part because everybody knows they’re in the tank for anyone but Sanders.

So Bernie, what about this Bloomie centrist? Well, he’s a centrist. Mikey, what about you–Well, Lester, Bernie will never beat Trump.

Liz comes out swinging for the nose at Mikey. Arrogant billionaire. Fuck yes. This is more like it.

Klobuchar piggybacks and says who is this Johnny Come Lately twit? I’m a woman!

Mikey is unperturbed and possibly a sexist robot.

Biden: no we didn’t forget about you. I’m still relevant. He wants to fight but he’s stumbly and vague.

Pete: Bernie and Mikey are polarizing. I’m the real Democrat.

Bernie: You don’t know words, Petey. Bloomberg while there’s homeless, and you’re a billionaire suckboy bitch.

Petey: I care too, man. Culinary blah blah blah. Polarize.

Woman mod throws it back to Liz with a softball. I’m nice and I’m gonna win. Fuck Bloomberg; ask a Latina who lived in a van down by the river.

Bernie: My supporters arent’ goons. Everybody has a few bad apples. I disown mine.

Pete wants to stay on Bernie bros, which is just a puppet show distraction, and that’s why. Toxic. Leadeship. You’re such a kewpie doll.

The Chuck Todd fool wants to make Culinary a whole thing again. Bernie says M4A is the way to go and he’s right. Liz explains why she was for M4A before she was against it, and punches Petey’s consultants, and Amy’s plan is a post-it note. Bernie is cool but Bernie bros, she namechecks everyone. Amy says I’m a public option.

Bernie: Every other country can do it. What’s wrong with US? I’ll tell you what. Profit is wrong with us.

Biden: I’m relevant. How will we pay for it. Dumb ass.

Liz claws Pete’s plan. Then Amy’s. Seems to be leaning left on health care again.

Mikey: I was for Obamacare before I was against it.

Lester flings a hardball at Mikey on Stop and Frisk. Mikey says he embarrassed himself. True! He sat down with black preachers to try to understand where he went wrong. I was for StopAndFrisk before I was against it. Biden tears him a new one, and Mikey says But I Apologized and Everybody’s Wrong Sometimes.

Liz can’t believe her fuckin’ ears. Smack, Mikey, Smack. She’s on fire and it’s beautiful. Mikey takes it like a frog.

Amy, didn’t your prosecutor shtick in MN suck for minorities too? Amy: uh, no.

Woman mod wants to beat the Bernie heart attack into the ground. For fuck’s sake. Pitches soft to Pete and he concern trolls it into ridiculousness. Bernie gets a comeback and crushes his scrawny ass.

Woman mod wants to see Bloomberg’s taxes. He hems. He haws. Amy says he’s the only one who hasn’t released.

Woman mod goes after Mikey again on sexual harrassment and shitty comments to women. He uses the Romney defense: he has binders full of women. Liz shits on his head for it–how ’bout you release women from their NDA’s. He looks fucking shellshocked. Biden sees blood in the water and piles on.

Sanders: Mikey is a Republican who endorsed W in 04. Heh.

Latina woman mod embarrasses Amy over not knowing who the Mex Prez is. She says hey I’m for NAFTA dammit. Not a good luck AK. Pete calls her dumb. She calls him a child. The mods try to cut them off and Liz rides to her rescue. Joe is pissed because the teacher won’t call on him.

A break. I for one need it.

Some new boy mod. OK, Mikey: Climate change. A bonehead incrementalist answer. Even Biden is appalled. Liz: leave it in the ground; fuck profits; I believe in science.
OK Bernie, what about this fracking ban and the poor workers? Well Chuck, how about their children as crispy critters–think that is a good idea you hack? Amy? Well chucky i have a plan that’s far too slow. Liz poops on her for it and she’s spot on; rolls it into corruption too. God damn.
Biden, are you really going to jail oil execs? Well, lady latina mod, it’s not easy being green and now I’m on board with class warfare too (wtf?) … Bloomberg: I’m for fracking. Many years away. Pete: We don’t have many years old man. I’m against Bernie and Bloomberg and I’m the centrist choice. Again. Liz: EnviroJustice!

OK Biden. Your Latino problem. God he sounds so out of the loop. China burns dirty coal. The whole things loses focus and devolves into Mikey yapping unconvincingly about redlining.

Bernie: Mikey Billionaire Corruption. So they start yelling at each other. Any makes a joke that no one understands and then embraces capitalism and child care and Trumpity Trump.

Bernie: Mikey Billionaire is obscene. Mikey: Just lucky I guess. But I worked so hard for it. (You fuckwit.)

Pete: Employee ownership of corps is a great idea, but I’m not for it.

Bernie: It wasn’t you made the money Mikey, it was your poor dumb employees. Mikey calls Liz and Bernie communists. Liz says she’d tax his ass and give it to kids and teachers.

Bernie says Lester’s question is stupid and answers the communism one instead. Corporate socialism is what we have, Mikey. Mikey stutters and stammers. What about you Joe? Joe wants to raise taxes a little, which is ridiculous, because they don’t pay at the current rate and they won’t if he raises it. (Look, commentary!)

Pete, are you out of touch with your own generation on socialism? Well Chuck I’ll try to shit on Bernie … Bernie isn’t having any of it.

Liz namechecks all three moderates on taxes; they get riled and Amy looks a little said that Liz isn’t her friend anymore.

Break.

Pete: Bloomberg should help with his money but he shouldn’t be President. (Yep.) Oh and I hate Bernie too. Biden says I’m Mitch’s nightmare.

LadyLatinaMod tosses Amy a softball on immigration. Pete shits on her for voting against Mexicans and for Trump’s judges. She says not everybody is Perfect Like Pete, which is hilarious, and then says he’s memorized a bunch of slogany shit. He says I’m a veteran you bitch.

Chuck Todd referres them and then has a mass question. Should the person with the most delegates be the nominee?

Bloomberg: No.
Warren: No.
Biden: No.
Pete: No.
Amy: No.
Bernie: Well yeah, ’cause that’ll be me.

Break.

While I have a minute: Fucking NBC. I was watching their livestream for the pre-game. The minute the debate started, they cut the feed and put up a graphic that said "Go download an app". Fuck you NBC, and the app you rode in on. This isn’t about you and your profits. I watched the rest on pirate feeds one after the other as they got killed.

Closing

Amy: Ya gotta have heart. I love you Murica.

Mikey: Go my website. This is a management job. (You fucking tool.)

Pete: I hate Bernie. I hate Mikey. Because I believe those are the only two who can beat me, so it’s my toxic polarized talking point, polarize polarize.

Warren: I’m a fighter, like you just saw. Not a pol. Trust me. I’m your champ.

Biden: Heh. He gets shouted down by protesters, I think it’s about him being the Deputy Deporter in Chief.
Daddy worked like hell. I been knocked down. Ya gotta get up. Guns. Immorality. Expanding Obamacare. Immigration. Bernie hates Mexicans. WTF?

Bernie: The Mex orgs disagree with you Joey. M4A. College. Homelessness in the richest country. Fuck oligarch billionaires.

Whew.

I’m a sleepy boy.

Warren won. Mikey lost.

Selah.