I am almost exactly who he would have been
except …
I’m a good bit book-smarter (it scared him how much),
a little bit kinder due to being a little more secure, most ways, for whatever arcane reason;
and, I’m not quite as tough either, in the usual manly-man sense. (I hate saying it but it’s true.)

Most of all, though
I am who he would have been if he never
had a bunch of kids he was unwilling to support.
Specifically, unwilling to do what it takes, to support them right or well.

I would have been willing.
Deep down I might have been resentful of the resulting necessary compromises, but I’d-a made them.

For better or worse, biology is destiny, and I didn’t even have to try to not have them.
Not having them was the default and I would have had to try and try again to produce an heir.

Not-trying was easier, so it became my … ‘Choice’.

I am who he would have been
except …
I’m not quite as much of a selfish irresponsible bastard.

I thought hearing it might be useful to you.
I’m telling you because it might help to explain why you feel some of the ways you feel about me,
suddenly or not so suddenly,
this late in the game.