I came out of that ?Asperger’s? post feeling strong and fluid and productive, and then on the 12th in real time I wrote this:
So eventually I have to ask: What damn difference does it make, what we call a thing?
Now you’re a planet, now you’re not. Child, you’re an autist! … or something … autismy … adjacent …
One of the reasons it matters to me is that taking great delight in the naming of things, pinning them down like etherized butterflies, is one of the primary known symptoms of Vairtere’s Syndrome.
Sufferers also habitually create exactly those kinds of looping tautologies for the sheer wicked madness of it. Sometimes such habits are seen as disorders. Other times, not ill at all.
When the people who love me try to say why they do, they sometimes talk about my Integrity.
Then for 4 days I wrote nothing more. It is now very early on the morning of the 16th and I’m trying to complete this post.
Why did I get derailed and stopped there? It’s complicated, but I think it has a lot to do with that last mention of Integrity.
I was going to say …
I was going to say something about who I am with all masks off, and what that perception of integrity really means.