Or, “Barb Aryan for you on Gate One, Sir.”

More murican torture life coaching.

My insurance company just sent me one of those cheery corporate personalized emails.

They wanted to let me know how much they care about me. Personally.

So, they were offering an online course designed to teach me how to drop my stress through reducing my screen time.

An online.

Course.

The very existence of the concept is stressing me out more than fourteen straight hours of YouTube videos about how to cook quinoa or cauliflower tacos ever could.