It comes in spurts and it’s limited to certain narrow band widths of endeavor, but
God Damn
Some Times
I am a Genius.
I have noticed that when I make that pompous assertion, behind closed doors and even to those I should be able to trust, there can sometimes be a rather violent umbrage taken to it. Not a shouting umbrage. Just a quietly rabid fury, as if in claiming to be so smart, I am accusing them of being dumb.
I don’t understand people any better now than I did half a century ago in some archaic millennium.
Or to say it another way, I have zero genius when it comes to the endeavor known as interpersonal relationships.
No, my genius lies in stringing words and images together with such deftness and richness that it would make a Tucson Barbie blush.
In the admittedly unlikely event that she were … ever actually to read it, watch it, Witness it, y’know.
The text for our sermon today comes not from Goddess Patti but from her spirit daughter, Amanda Fucking Palmer, lyricist for the Dresden Dolls. It is called:
***
… I used to be the smart one
Sharp as a tack
Funny that how skipping years ahead
Has held me back
***
I can’t trap a mouse
But I can pet a cat
No I’m really serious
I’m really very good at that
I can’t fix a car
But I can fix a flat
I could fix a lot of things
But I’d rather not get into that
I used to be the Bright One
Smart as a whip
Funny how you slip so far when
Teachers don’t keep track of it
I used to be the tight one
The Perfect Fit
Funny how those compliments can
Make you feel sooo… full of It
***
I’m not exceptionally shy
But I’ve never had a man
That I could look straight in the eye
And tell my secret plans
I can take a vow
And I can wear a ring
And I can make you promises
But they won’t mean a thing
***
Can’t you just fix it for me?
It’s gone berserk
Oh fuck I’ll give you anything
If you can make the damn thing, Work
Hello, I’m good for nothing
Will you love
me
just
the
same?
***
(Once you’ve listened hard and taken It to heart, there won’t be any more need in your life for sermons.)