Last night I finished off the Paring post and then published it, with the Formula one already written, back to back.

Writing the retrospective gave me an unpleasant flashback to the dark ages two/three years ago, but it wasn’t as brutal or insane.

It was hard to get to sleep, just like back then, but I finally did, unlike many times in those days. Then I dreamed about professoring and everything going wrong, but the setting and details were all very different and new.

I think part of the lesson this dream was trying to impart was: they never tried to ruin you, boy, for anything you did or didn’t do.

They tried to ruin you for what you are, and what you always were. What you will continue to be.

Mostly they failed. They did break bones. They succeeded in maiming.

But you are still here, bloody, and not too bowed. Kinda bent but we ain’t broken, so to say.

Before I woke up way too early, there was another dream, a coda, about a skittish scared stray kitten and its mamacat, tough and hissy and protective … but both of them wanting and needing and in some way asking for some sort of help and rescue.

For Sanctuary.

I came into the world just such a cat.

But even as a child I was struggling ineptly to be the strong one who makes and provides the sanctuary. As I was in the coda dream.

In both halves of me there has been an ever-growing rage, at a system in which there is no motive or incentive to actually change anything with regard to feral mammals of any species, humans included.

Most GoFundMe campaigns are for medical debt.

If you generously give to them for all the right reasons, your money goes to prop up and reinforce a fundamentally evil system and reward in the end the evildoers.

It’s very like voting blue.

When the story of my life is done and written, the one payoff for the reader will be in learning what became of the consciousness that lived it.

Did he remain a stray, wild free and hungry, or did he find housecat sanctuary? Or …

Did he somehow manage to become a provider of sanctuary, only for himself, or for others too?

I guess we’ll both just have to stay tuned.