“Yesterday” I was at Zion in Utah for the very first time, and ‘today’ marked a deeper return visit to the North Rim that wasn’t as deep as it might have been.

It should be red-letter, there should be an epic poem in honor, et cetera.

There’s not. There never was. The way I am, the way I was raised, all holidays are arbitrary. Celebrating them is collaboration with the cultural system, and I style myself the ultimate rogue. Look how pretty I am.

Instead, two weeks to the day later, I’m still retconning, still making up ground.

I owe at least two major calls to beloved, in addition to the as yet still missing fourteen posts. I have three or four envelopes sitting here still unopened, and I have the tedious guilt that goes with all of that, a guilt that proves I’m not as cool as I’d like to be.

By the time my major mass present arrives finally–“tomorrow?”–I’ll have made serious progress on the digging out, like some emotionally snowbound moral yeti.

Maybe even a little toward living the life I dream of, where I always know the right thing to say in the moment as things are happening, and can factually prove that all bosses are lepers in the eyes of god.

Nobody can legally press charges on me for lack of ambition, ennit?

Si.