In re: that post of 29 October and the black humor take on a lack of discipline …

I begin to wake to something;
that
What’s been happening is not really about a drought, or a failing, shortcoming, character flaw.

Rather …

In my Home country, native land, mother tongue
There was never any call, for SELF discipline

Discipline was constantly imposed from outside.
The very word caused pain and represented a thing to be avoided.
The very word, I hated actively until at least some point in my twenties,
When harsh parental discipline
Had become the almost transparent sort imposed by Work of the wage slavery kind.

The expectations of the bosses, and meeting them to some degree to maintain the flow of income, finally required disciplining the self just as harshly.
The punishment of alarm clocking
The self-flagellating practices we all employ to stay employed
Beating ourselves up about minding one’s tongue, more or less.

Discipline was voluntary in theory, but no less brutal usually
Discipline amounted to a kind of learned helplessness or conditioned dependency.
Slave mind. We learned to become our own jailers, where the lines were and never to cross them.

All at once four decades into this shitshow
All these kinds of discipline
Whether purely externally imposed like with parents
Or the self-taught internalized kind motivated by survival in the modern world and striving for more and better Stuff …

Suddenly they’re gone

Maybe only for a little while
But definitely and definitively and absolutely
Gone

Abruptly there’s no reason to beat yourself back into any straight or narrow path driven by the some bossy expectations.

THERE ARE NO BOSSES NOW WHAT GOD

You won’t starve, not immediately.
There’s a roof and it’s holding up okay.
There is more clothing than you have room to unpack.

FREEDOM from expectation and discipline IS A VIOLENT SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM

You hunker down against this shock and you indulge yourself in the freedom of no clocks.

You’re wary and you’re ecstatic.

It’s a kind of wild anarchy that even predates hunting and gathering.

You are a savage, you are … a beast.

You act like one.

It’s a perfectly natural response to the radical revolution. This doesn’t make it pretty
Just rational in a pre-rational way.

Dive deeper.

c. 1200, “penitential chastisement; punishment for the sake of correction,”
from Old French descepline “discipline, physical punishment … “

Honestly it gets a little better going clear back to Latin, but even so …

Fuck all that shit right in its ass. Corrected? BY WHO? Punished? No, no, and hell no. There’s been way, way too much of that for far, far too long. And even if that were not true …

There’s no reason to submit to punishment, or to punish yourself. Not for now anyway.

Instead of talking about lacking discipline in that funny, self-humiliating way she does in the post–think instead like this:

This is the first time in your long life that you have ever Ever had the privilege of living without punishment, without a sense of descepline hung over your bowed head.

The twisted moral of the story is this.

Discipline is Oppression, and
Self-discipline is for suckers, saps, and rubes.

II.

I believe every word of that and it requires no faith to do so.

I’m living it every day, so all I need is to believe my own eyes and heart.

However … according to the same sources of evidence, not all is well in the new world of anarchic bestial freedom. (God something in me is loving this telling of truth–this is what spilling is for really.)

(Part II in full follows.)