This is going up in advance for a day which might not otherwise see spill.

So on certain regrettable evenings, I drive through for dinner.

I try to stick to the marginally better chains, but the most convenient one on the homebound commute is one of the worst. Convenient. Dirt cheap. More or less on the edge of edible.

Tonight was such a night, and as I drove up I noticed that they had added a sandwich to their 2 for 6 dollars menu. The new candidate was the plant-based Impossible Burger. One of the standbys was the standard carnivorous Flagship Burger.

I had six bucks. So I got one of each to carefully compare.

I ate the old-school one first, and then the newfangled. As I finished each one, I tore of a good chunk of just the ‘meat’ and set it aside.

Pretty much no difference when packed in a bun with some wilted veggies.

Phase two, just the ‘meat’, I could percieve a difference, but not a significant one. I didn’t like one better than the other. I didn’t like either all that much.

But then it occured to me that I had a real expert waiting at home. So I set aside the last small samples, for phase 3 testing.

She was in one of her usual spots, under the glass desk. I greeted her and set down the tiny and more or less identical chunks.

She came over, sniffed them both, wolfed the meat, and left the impoosible substitute sitting there to rot.

You might say: Well of course. One was meat and one wasn’t. She’s pure carnivore.

Except: I watched her, two nights ago, take apart the corner of an organic Triscuit.

So here is my conclusion.

The problem with the new thing wasn’t that it wasn’t meat, in the eyes of the expert.

The probem was that, in the eyes of the expert, it wasn’t food.

Good enough for me. No more impossible burgers.