In the follow on nap and the subsequent dream, I was in a lab again, working as I do, and I was as secure as I ever was, secure in the sense that springs from being grounded in a profession, in a way I doubt I will ever be again.

It was the mirror opposite of the bad dream. A reminder of how things can be, even if they won’t, even if they never really quite were in the roseate past.

The central image was of being delighted to see someone again after a long while, a colleague, and expressing my pleasure with a hug that buried my face between her breasts.

Physically and socially unlikely in the extreme, but perfectly comporting with dream logic.

In some caught fragment of sound yesterday I heard that there are no allies.

This is a kind of logic too, one I was taught to believe in since infancy. I’m sure I believe it still, as one of the pillars of another logic, one that will always defy the facts and live regardless of them.

My real job right now has nothing to do with the things they pay me poorly for.

My real job is to find or create a mechanism for generating cash flow that doesn’t require perqs (allies, alma maters, contentment or joy), in order that I might someday be independently content and joyful.