This morning I did a little math and realized that with overload, I’m making the most I ever have. It was shocking, because I’ve felt so broke for so many months in a row, due to fallout from the professional explosion, still having a mortgage on an empty house there that won’t sell and all.

It was also weirdly empowering. I felt a surge of worth. Which at the end of the day feels shallow and dumb, but I felt it anyway and I’ll take it gladly, depth or no.

I consider too that I’m making what I make in nine months of the year.

And also that the classes are pretty much written now, which means less weekly stress in future terms.

And also that the fucking pension continues to build.

So I think alright. Maybe it makes no sense to jump ship, even for six figures, given that I could theoretically monetize those summers somehow, even given the anxieties of being onstage ten hours a week. I could handle that better, couldn’t I?

Maybe.

I feel like the certs are a good idea either way. For testing the waters I would land in if I did jump. For making a credible case for myself as ‘a consultant’ of some nebulous kind, trying out ways to make the world a better place in the summertimes first.

I’m calmer for certain, though I still ache for finals to be done with and for the world to re-open up.

I’m beginning to remember how to listen to myself just in time.

There won’t be any need for the dormant downtime of a late may hibernation this year. I’m going to face the world and its unknowns instead of running from it.

Documentation to follow.